The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
