3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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