just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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