I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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