Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
