dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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