i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
