Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
