sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
