The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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