You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
