So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
