She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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