Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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