yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
did i just pee glitter
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
