you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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