dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
