I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Randomize
