Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
