My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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