Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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