Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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