i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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