She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
