i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
