i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
