In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
