I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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