I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
What did we do last night that was yellow?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
