He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
