youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
