Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
