wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
