this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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