Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
