We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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