There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
