She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We got so high we made milksteak
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
