So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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