We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
