You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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