I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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