you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
