I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
