It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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