the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
