you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
