I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
