Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i think my cat just said my name.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
