So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
