come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
