dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
