I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
