Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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