So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i now understand why vodka
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
