At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
